The number one lesson I’ve learned, and the thing I fail at most often, in raising a preschooler is this:
If there’s no good reason to say no, then my answer must be yes.
Posts Tagged parenting
Sure, Why Not?
Feb 7
Little Big Boy
Jan 15
Both my children are currently in transition. Xander will be 4 in April and while some things about him are still toddler-like (specifically his language skills; another day, another post) he is becoming a "real" boy. Arya is almost 16 months old now. She’s not a baby anymore, but not quite what I’d consider a toddler either. I haven’t yet figured out what to do with Arya’s room when Baby Aliza comes; I’m going to give her a few more weeks to grow up a bit before I start making decisions.
But Xander needed a change immediately. He no longer takes a daily nap, so we have what we call “room time”: 60-90 minutes a day where he can do anything he wants as long as it’s quiet and in his room. While waiting for spackling and paint to dry last week, I decided to tackle the issue of how to give Xander some freedoms of an older child but within limits for his age.
We don’t have any "extra" rooms, so a playroom is not an option for us. I’m also a firm believer that if toys can’t fit neatly into my kids’ rooms then they have too much stuff.
A lot of toys in Xander’s room were no longer age appropriate, so we gave them to Arya. With all our guests over the holidays, his toys had started to creep into the living room, so they needed to get sent back to his bedroom. He also had a 2-shelf bookcase in his room that was no longer big enough for our needs. Xander goes to half-day preschool three days a week, but the rest of the time he is unofficially home schooled (I have yet to decide how he’ll be schooled at 5 so I’m doing both right now but again, another day, another post). Because all of my and Rob’s books are still in boxes, and probably will be for quite some time, I stole an empty shelf and gave it to Xander.
The result is a room that is much more functional for a preschooler, and it cost me nothing. I tried to make sure that there is nothing in the the room that can permanently mark or stain. The worst that can happen as Xander is playing alone is that he creates a pile of toys to put away.
Corner 1: 
Corner 2: 
Corner 3: 
Corner 4: 
Because of all the space opened up by SuperPantry, I was able to move all of Xander’s jigsaws, messy toys, and other things he needs to ask for into the hall closet, which is still a work in progress. 
Because I’ll have my hands full with the girls in 3 months, I tried to help Xander be more independent in the kitchen. I put all the kids’ plates and cups in a low cabinet so Xander can help himself. The new pantry has a drawer where I’ll keep pre-made snack bags that Xander can take. The next step, happening this week, is to organize the fridge so Xander can reach snack bags with his fruits and veggies. I don’t have fatty foods in the house, period. We rarely have sodas around. I keep everything as organic or natural as we can afford; nothing artificial for the kids. And I don’t keep juice or milk within Xander’s reach in fridge so that if he’s thirsty his only option is water.
With our new arrangement, Xander feels like a big boy, and I am more free to help Arya.
The One about Santa
Nov 28
“Birthday is about Xander. Christmas is about Jesus.”
This is what my 3.5 year old has been saying for the last few days. I thought we were ready for December… and then we went to preschool today.
I may have overslept a bit this morning, so by the time I took Xander in they were already at the morning assembly. And singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
Cue a morning full of fretting. Until today, my son knew the bearded man in a red suit as The Christmas Monster. I just knew that when I picked him up from school, Xander would know the man’s name. And he did. He even told me all about the chimney. It was easy enough to fix. “Santa is just pretend. He doesn’t give you presents. He isn’t real. Christmas is about Jesus.”
I talked with his teacher, who showed me her lesson plans for the month and let me choose what Xander was exempt from (which really wasn’t much; he can sing and craft all day long but he’s not writing a letter to Santa). No big deal, and we’re back in business.
But a tweet about the situation it set off some replies. So here, in paragraph form, is my response to the usual criticism. Note that these are my personal convictions about how to raise my family.
There’s nothing wrong with Santa.
An omnipresent, omniscient being who weighs your good deeds against your bad deeds and rewards you accordingly?
First of all, there is only One who is all-knowing and that is God.
Secondly, and this is nitpicky I know, but aren’t we setting up a works-based theology with that?
You can’t shield your kids forever.
I know that, and I’ve never attempted to do so.
I think that phrase, when applied to anything parents attempt to keep their children from being corrupted too soon, is one of the worst things to say to someone who is only trying to do the right thing. We are calling a person who is striving for moderation an extremist. We’re saying, “I gave up, and you should too.”
Of course I can’t keep Xander from ever seeing Santa, Frosty, or Rudolph. I can’t keep him from learning the songs or watching the movies – I’m fully aware that it will happen either at school or at a friend’s house.
But what I can do is keep it away from my home and out of my family’s tradition. What is so extreme about that?
My goal is simple: To remove the secular elements from religious holidays and, when possible (see: not cheesy) to add a Christian element to secular holidays.
I see our not observing Santa as just the first of many “other families do that, but we don’t” parenting moments.
You Can Do Both
I disagree.
“I explain what the true meaning of Christmas is, but we also do Santa because it’s fun.”
“I explain to my kids why it’s important to eat healthy, but I buy them lots of junk food because it tastes good.”
What’s the difference?
Your kids will resent you.
In our home, Santa doesn’t fulfill your list of wants, wrap them up, and leave a large and glorious pile under the tree.
In our home, your mother and father take the time to consider your personality, your interests, and your maturity. Then together they choose one, and I repeat, one gift to give to you as we all celebrate the birth of Jesus.
Birthdays are about our children and giving them a party, a cake, and a pile of presents in celebration of their life. Christmas is not.
The truth is this: At a certain age, whether you give you kids a few gifs or a lot of gifts, they will want more. We all remember that feeling of thinking our parents didn’t care about us enough to get us what we really wanted. And then we got older and it passed.
I’m not worried about resentment.
Well, what do you do?
We have done this for the past two years, but now that he’s old enough, we’re talking to Xander about it:
Our goal is to have Xander give and do far more than he receives. And I’m being very deliberate about it. After shopping together, I let Xander pack our Operation Christmas Child boxes. This week Xander is fulfilling the list of a little girl his age who is currently living in a group home. If there are other children in need of sponsoring after we are done, we will add another.
Last year, anytime a bell was ringing outside a store, Xander would insist that we put money inside. This year, he has a wallet full of change that he carries in his pocket anytime we go shopping, ready to give.
He is hand-making a gift or letter for his family members and friends.
He is memorizing Luke 2:8-14. No joke.
Our kids get one gift from us. The words “big” and “small”, “expensive” and “cheap” have nothing to do with it. Two years ago, we got Xander a workbench that still gets played with weekly, if not daily. Last year he received a four-wheeler that he loves and takes very good care of.
I don’t want my children’s favorite memories of Christmas as a child to be the rush of opening gifts, or the fun of made-up characters. I don’t even want their memories to be of Wintertime Togetherness.
I hope that, by God’s guidance, we can pass on to our children the legacy that their grandparents began – that Christmas is a time of worshipping God, especially through serving others.
Leg Godt
Aug 21
We are in a full-blown Lego phase here. Xander will build for hours, and his constructions actually look like what he says they are.
He figured out symmetry all on his own, which makes his neurotic mother very happy. For example: 
The best projects are done with Daddy. Together they build all kinds of towers, vehicles, and their favorite Star Wars ships.
TIE fighter: 
Complete with a pilot and windshield!
Darth Vader’s TIE:
Last night, Rob built Xander a Y-wing. As with most of the creations his dad makes, Xander decided to keep it intact during the bedtime cleanup. We put the ship on his headboard shelf, as usual. At about 11pm, I heard some crying coming from Xander’s bedroom. I opened the door and turned on the light to see a pile of Lego bricks laying on the bed next to the saddest little boy I’d ever seen. He kept asking, “Daddy fix it?” But Rob was at the gym at the time so I had to put the bricks back in the tub, comfort Xander, and put him back to bed. When Rob got home I told him the story.
This morning when I woke Xander up for church, this was on the headboard. His father had quietly rebuilt the ship at 1am, knowing how much it meant to him:
Xander’s face upon seeing it was priceless.
He has the best dad in the world.
The S Word
Aug 4
I’ve forbidden the utterance of the S-word in my home. It’s not edifying, and the last thing I want is for my son to say it to another child. It’s a difficult word to avoid, especially because Xander and I like to watch Phineas and Ferb together, and they say that word occasionally. When that happens, I just tell him, “That wasn’t very nice; he should have said a different word.” I don’t know that he truly understands why he shouldn’t say it, but at least he gets that it’s a “bad word”.
I know that in the grand scheme of things “stupid” isn’t that bad of a word, and that we adults say it very often. But I want my kids to be better than that. And in eradicating the word from my vocabulary, I’ve decided that I want to be better than that.
There’s a common explanation people give for not swearing: “It shows a limited vocabulary.” The same is true for words like stupid, dumb, lame, etc. How, exactly, can a toy be stupid? It’s not stupid; what I mean to say is that it isn’t very interesting or very fun.
So instead of learning how to belittle others, Xander and I are going to learn to use our adjectives instead.
I Like the Way You Work It
Jul 11
Today was a long day of errand running. The kids went to PostNet twice to send off some packages, stood in a long line at the bank because their mom chose the wrong time of the day to go, endured a trip to the Walmart picture frame aisle with an indecisive woman, and hung around the office of a new adventure I’ll be starting soon (intentionally vague).
All those places, save Walmart, have one thing in common: candy fishbowls.
And today I discovered something about my son.
He is, apparently, a master at charming the lady sitting behind the desk into giving him 2 pieces of candy. He knows how to give her a sweet, shy smile. He knows how to look at the candy bowl as if he just discovered it, even though he probably spotted it the second we walked through the door. He knows how to ask, “Please, I want some candy, pleeeease?” He knows how to give that part-mischevious, part-insecure look as he asks for “a other one”. And he knows how to look so adorable upon hearing her affirmation that she believes she has truly made a young boy’s day.
He could be a master at selling newspapers in 1899.
How do I know he’s faking it? The first time I just suspected. But then the same thing happened at the next three offices.
The question is: how often does he do that to me and I’m unaware?
Swingin’
Jul 10
Rob is currently in Guatemala on a mission trip. He left on Saturday and will be gone until next Saturday evening, which means this will be the longest time I’ve been home alone with the kids. So far it’s no different from the times he goes on 3-day trips, but I’ll see what happens to Xander’s mood in a few days.
To force myself to be productive, I made myself a schedule of chores and activities for the the week. It’s amazing how much time there actually is in the day when you decide to be deliberate.
Because Rob’s internet access is limited, I’m going to be blogging every day so that he can catch up on us.
Saturday the kids and I played with Mega Bloks and Lego Duplo pretty much all morning. Xander is starting to make some great structures!
After our nap, we took the dog for a walk to an awesome tire swing in our neighborhood (see previous post). I don’t know who put it there and keeps the grass cut, but I’m glad it’s there.
Where were the daughter and the dog during all the swinging?
Arya was just hanging around…
And Sansa was just enjoying being out with her pack…
A fun time was had by all.
True Story
Jun 23
Tunrade is emptying the dishwasher. Her son, Xander enters the kitchen.
Xander: (with arms outstretched) I got three hands.
Tunrade: You have two hands. One, two. See?
Xander: One, two, three, four. Four hands!
Tunrade: Oh, okay.
Xander: (picks nose) Got a booger on the finger.
Xander inserts his finger into his mouth and exits the kitchen.
Water, Water, Everywhere
Jun 20
The kids and I spent 6 hours of today in the backyard, and we had a blast! Unfortunately, I think our water bill this month will reflect that.
I got absolutely nothing done in the home today, but that’s okay. At Xander’s age, anything can be his earliest memory. When he has children of his own, he won’t tell them how spotless his mother’s floors were. But it would be amazing if he is able to tell them that his earliest childhood memory is of playing played outside in the water all day.
Some pictures of our fun day:
Creation Science
Jun 10
XANDER: God created the heavens and the earth. Genesis 1:1:1:1:1
ME: That’s right, Xander! Good job!
XANDER: God made the sky.
ME: Yes, He did.
XANDER: God made the trees.
ME: Yes, He did.
XANDER: (looks up) God made the popcorn on the ceiling.
ME: Well, God made the person who invented popcorn ceilings and he gave him the mind to have the idea.
XANDER: …
ME: God made the popcorn on the ceiling.
